grace – unmerited favor, undeserved gift
unsettled – not calm or tranquil; not decided or determined; doubtful, as in an unsettled state of mind; not resolved or worked out
GRACE UNSETTLED – the hesitance to accept an extravagant gift that you know you don’t deserve
As a longtime Christian, I still struggle to accept God’s grace. It’s kind of curious- that part should be the easiest. I long ago accepted Christ as my savior, confessing my sins, asking forgiveness, and receiving His gift of salvation over my past, present, and future. In a strange way, accepting the enormous gift of salvation was easy; a choice between life or death. I know I am a sinner and I cannot save myself - I must have a savior to rescue me. The harder part of my Christian walk is accepting His grace on a daily basis. I’ve already acknowledged I am a sinner. To quote Kris Kristofferson’s song, “Why Me Lord, I KNOW what I am.” I know myself, my careless words, my selfishness, my thoughtlessness, my unkind thoughts. God first gave us the law, the ten commandments, so that we would recognize exactly what the law was. And then He sent His Son who through His words and deeds embodied everything in the law and showed us that we could never live up to those expectations all on our own. Jesus then sacrificed Himself, gave His life in place of ours. To vastly understate it, that is HUGE! And yet somehow that immeasurable gift is easier for me to accept than the grace God offers me each day. No I don’t deserve salvation, but if I’ve already accepted that, how can I expect to receive or ask for anything else ever? I’ve already been given an extravagant gift and yet I still screw up, I still get lazy or impatient or angry…shouldn’t I just have to deal with the repercussions of that rather than receive mercy I do not deserve? And there it is…ALL of it is undeserved. “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8. That is our God, who loves us beyond anything our minds can imagine. That is what’s so hard to wrap my brain around and that is what I have to remind myself of each day: that each day I should both ‘take up my cross’ AND accept His grace. That, for me, is grace unsettled.